Posted by: Kathy Temean | August 15, 2022

Dr. Mira’s Pitch and Bio Make Over – Wendy Parciak

WENDY PARCIAK’S SUBMISSION:

 

Pitch for THE TYRANTS OF THE TANGLE (MG Fantasy):

When twelve-year-old Game Master Angus Gale enters the forest to search for his missing brother, the dangerous world he’d created in his role-playing game comes alive. To save not only his brother but himself, he must make a deal with his villains—the Water, Earth, Wind, and Fire Tyrants. He vows to protect their world … or they’ll destroy the real one.

Wendy Parciak’s Bio:

As someone who experienced a life-changing injury, I wrote this story to help empower kids to choose a new path if necessary, no matter how much it differs from their original expectations. Two of my manuscripts have been finalists in the PNWA Literary Contest, and my literary novel REQUIEM FOR LOCUSTS (Two Canoes Press) received the Montana Honor Book Award.

Mira’s Suggestions:

Hi Wendy this pitch sounds great, but a couple of things are confusing. Is the forest in the real world or the virtual world? Did Angus create the role-playing game or his missing brother? I’m going to assume that it’s two separate worlds and that Angus created the dangerous world. Your bulleted notes make this clearer so I’m going to trust them. I’m also seeing how making these bulleted notes help in getting a clearer picture of what’s going on and encourage you to reference them in future.

Your original pitch was very lively, which I tried to follow but I wanted to establish the brother’s relationship with each other a little more from your notes and I gave him a name to clarify who you’re referring to. I also pumped up the alliteration and clarified the stakes a bit more. I hope I got the plot right. I would have loved to have include the earth, air, fire and water elements but couldn’t because of word count. Maybe you could create a hybrid pitch from both of these, or just use whichever one you like best.

In terms of your bio, while the part about your life-changing injury is interesting, all it does is make me a bit frustrated wanting to know what happened, while taking up a lot of words, which I’d rather use for your accomplishments and delightful personality. If your life-changing injury led to a disability and you are comfy using it, maybe just include #disability, which fits with your bio and if it relates to your story, you’d want to include that in the pitch and if comfy in the bio. I hope this helps love.

Mira’s Suggested Pitch:

Twelve-year-old Angus isn’t sporty like his older brother Ewan, but he is brilliant at creating virtual role-playing games that they both love. Then Ewan disappears, forcing Angus to venture into the frightening forbidden forest known as “The Tangle” to save him. When the Tangle makes Angus’s dangerous game come alive, he has to promise to protect the Tangle’s Elemental Tyrant’s worlds… or they’ll destroy everyone AND Planet Earth. 69 words. Environmental fiction.

Mira’s Suggested Bio:

Game-loving, environmentalist, Wendy Parciak loves empowering children with the knowledge that life offers many possibilities and choices. A member of SCBWI and PNWA, she has received awards and honors from SCBWI, the NSF, and the O. Marvin Lewis Award. Her literary novel REQUIEM FOR LOCUSTS also received the Montana Honor Book Award. Wendy earned a PhD in Ecology and trains dogs in her spare time.

Bio: Dr. Mira Reisberg has worked as a former acquiring editor & art director, literary agent, children’s literature professor, & as the Director of the Children’s Book Academy for many years. Her former students have published over 860 books & won every major children’s book award that she knows of. She’s excited to be co-teaching at the upcoming 2022 KidLit Palooza scholarship fundraiser. Starring amazingly brilliant authors, illustrators, editors, agents & art directors right here: https://bit.ly/22KidLitPalooza

Mira has a PhD in Education and Cultural Studies with a focus on kid lit. Find her at the Children’s Book Academy here http://bit.ly/CreateKidsBooks or on Twitter @ChildrensBookAc

Talk tomorrow,

Kathy


Responses

  1. Sounds amazing, Wendy! Can’t wait to read it! I have to say, in the revision, I didn’t care for the word “sporty.” Does it mean Ewan dresses that way or lives sporty? Also I would change “to protect the Tangle’s Elemental Tyrant’s worlds… “ to “protect the worlds of the Tangle’s Elemental Tyrants.” Nice hearing from you!

    Like

  2. Oops, careless of me. Should have been “loves sports!” Darn that autocorrect!

    Like

  3. Nice job, Wendy! And Mira!

    Like

    • Thanks, Angie! And thanks, Mira, for all the helpful tips!

      Liked by 1 person


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