Carol Woodson
A small boy insists that the moon is really his lost balloon. After many warnings and subsequent mishaps, he finally reaches the moon. It’s not his balloon. Is he disappointed? Not at all! From now on he’ll always be known as “the first kid on the moon.”
MIRA:
Hi Carol, this looks really fun.You’ve indicated that you understand the structure of plot-driven picture books, although you might want to establish why being famous is important to him early on to make that ending more satisfying. So your job is really focusing on the language and wonderful lyrical and fun word play. Former student, Marcie Colleen’s Penguinaut! would make a great mentor text.
Rewrite:
In {title}, {name of main character} insists that the moon is his lost balloon, and he is determined to retrieve it. Despite dire warnings and subsequent misadventures, {name} finally reaches this destination. But the moon is not his balloon. Is he disappointed? Not at all! {Name} knows that from now on, he’ll always be known as the first kid on the moon!
*******
Robin Currie
Laying the groundwork for reading starts with the first board book. In Peek and See: Creation, share God’s story in two line rhymes with the final word hidden under a flap:
God made the strawberries, carrots, and peas
God made the ladybugs, spiders and
BEES.
MIRA:
Hi Robin, this sounds really sweet and fun but as you know there’s a big separation between church and state in education, which would limit traditional publishing sales (although there are always exceptions). However there are lots of Christian publishers, as well as publishers like Zonderkidz and Beaming Books that would be interested in this story. SCBWI.org has a fantastic resource for members called The Book, which you can download and I’m pretty sure they have a great section on Christian Publishers. If you’re a member, you could just download The Book as a PDF and do a search for Christian Publishers to find them. Here’s my rewrite.
Rewrite:
In Peek and See: Creation, a novelty board book, rhyming couplets tell the story of earth’s creation through a Christian lens. The final word of each charming couplet is revealed under a flap sturdy enough for lifting by curious young fingers.
Sample rhyme:
God made the strawberries, carrots, and peas
God made the ladybugs, spiders and
BEES.
*******
Dr. Mira Reisberg. AKA, Mira the Picture Book Whisperer, is the founder of the Children’s Book Academy, a fabulous international, online children’s book writing and illustrating school that she created in 2012 after leaving academia. Mira is also an acquiring editor and art director at Clearfork/Spork. She is incredibly excited that she is co-teaching The Craft and Business of Writing Picture Books course with acquiring BookEnds assoc. agent James McGowan and acquiring Penguin/Random House/Dial asst. Editor Rosie Ahmed. To find out more click here: https://bit.ly/2021CBWCPB
Thank you Mira for doing this. Enjoy the rest of this year and have a great, mentoring workshop.
Talk tomorrow,
Kathy
Thank you, Dr. Mira! Nice before and after pitches. 🙂
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By: Angie on January 6, 2021
at 12:11 pm