Posted by: Kathy Temean | December 6, 2020

Two Picture Book Pitch Ideas by Mira Reisberg

HERE ARE TWO PITCH SUBMISSION SENT IN TO MIRA. See bottom of post to see how to submit.


Jim Chaize 

Troll tells the true story of The Three Billy Goats Gruff. It turns out that Ogre was the real villain, threatening to gobble everyone up. Troll, a friendly fisherman, warned the goats about Ogre’s trap. But the goats trip trapped on, which led to an accident. A bad accident. Troll and the goats decide to care for Ogre, with surprising results.

This is a lovely retelling that promotes wonderful things like caring and kindness and character education and being a folktale it has good Common Core Connections. While many people think that retellings are over-done, they are still being published especially if they are really clever and have strong underlying themes. You’ve got the great underlying themes, so you have to concentrate on making it really clever with lots of puns and word play and poetic techniques. In my re-write below I’ve really amped up the voice to make it more fun and enticing.

Rewrite:

Hey, lookie here! It turns out that the real hero behind the three billy goats gruff’s meeting with the hungry bridge-blocking troll isn’t who you think. Learn how in The True Story of the Three Billy Goats Gruff, friendly fisherman Troll tries to warn the goats about the dreadful Ogre. But will they listen? Noooo! Mayhem ensues and in the nifty  ending Troll and the goats tend to the injured Ogre, with surprising results.

*******

Laura Wetrkin

Title: Emily Mack, Take Your Cheese to the Back

Word count: 558 Words

Picture Book, Rhyming

For cheese-loving Emily Mack and her dog, Colby Jack, cheddar makes everything better! Yet, her love of all dairy becomes simply too scary when she learns that her new friend Stella is allergic to mozzarella. Join Emily as she wonders, “can true friendship be, if Stella McBean is so different than me?” The girls must learn to celebrate their differences, or there will be a lasting divide in the lunchroom! I’d also maybe change your title to something like; Emily Mack and Jack, her cheese loving dog, as these are such great names.

Hi Laura, lovely to see you here. This is such a fun concept but unless you are a professional poet, I want to discourage you from writing in rhyme because rhyme is so hard to get perfect and keep perfect during edits. If you take our Picture Book Writing course, you’ll learn the many reasons why rhyme is hard and many, many wonderful prose techniques that will make your story so much stronger. It’s so much harder to have both a fantastic story and perfect rhyme through the length of a book, and that’s why editors really don’t like working with rhyme plus it limits foreign sales rights because of the challenges of translating rhyme. However, if you are a trained poet – go for it. But what do you think of having it be a wonderful prose story full of the many, many non-rhyming poetic techniques, and just have a rhyming refrain like, “Can true friendship be, if Stella McBean is so different than me?” If you are open to this, it will open more doors for you and make both writing and revising this so much easier. Fingers crossed that you can take our writing course so we can help you more but meanwhile here’s a rewrite with that refrain:

Alternative with rhyming refrain:

For fromage-loving Emily Mack and her dog, Colby Jack, cheddar makes everything better! Yet, her love of all things dairy becomes simply too scary when she learns that her new friend Stella is allergic to mozzarella. Join Emily as she wonders, “can true friendship be, if Stella McBean is so different than me?” Now, they must learn to focus on what’s in their hearts rather than things that divide them in parts.

Rewrite:

For cheese-loving Emily Mack and her dog, Colby Jack, cheddar makes everything better! Yet, her love of all things dairy becomes simply too scary when she learns her new buddy Stella is allergic to mozzarella. Join Emily as she wonders, can true friendship be, if Stella McBean isn’t like me? The girls learn that differences are just fine, and it doesn’t have to be cheese all the time.

DON’T MISS THIS OPPORTUNITY: Do you have a book that you are working on? Send in a 70 word description and I will submit it to Mira. She will wave her magic want and help you make it more marketable. PLEASE SEND TO: kathy.temean(at)hotmail.com  – Put Picture Book Pitch Idea in the subject area.

Check back on December 13th for more Picture Book Pitch Submissions.

Talk tomorrow,

Kathy


Responses

  1. Mira is truly the picture book whisperer. She turned one of my manuscripts upside once and made it 100% better! Thanks for sharing.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Mira, thanks for including my pitch in this post and for your positive comments. You definitely livened it up in your rewrite. Very helpful.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. What a great opportunity–thanks Mira. I enjoyed the Palooza! Thanks for all you do for children’s writers.

    Like


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